All Posts

It starts with something small. A comment about the dishes. A forgotten errand. A question about weekend plans. Before long, one person feels criticized, the other feels dismissed, and a simple conversation turns into another argument. Later, both may wonder, “How did we end up here again?” Many couples find themselves having the same arguments over and over, even when they genuinely love each other and want their relationship to work. Often, the problem isn’t simply what the

When anxiety shows up, our first instinct is often to make it stop. How do I get away from this feeling? How can I calm down? What can I do to make this go away? These questions are understandable. Anxiety can be uncomfortable, exhausting, and even frightening. But when our choices become organized around getting rid of anxiety, something subtle can happen: anxiety begins choosing the direction of our lives. We avoid the conversation. We skip the gathering. We put off the opp

Tom stood at the front door with his hand on the doorknob. His friends were already waiting at the restaurant. He had looked forward to the evening all week. But now his stomach tightened and his heart began to race. His mind started making predictions: “What if I have a panic attack? What if I embarrass myself? What if I need to leave?” For a moment, he reached for his phone. “I could just send a quick text,” he thought: “Sorry. Something came up.” No big deal. No one would

The White Bear Have you ever noticed what happens when someone tells you, “Whatever you do, don't think about a white bear.” Suddenly, it's almost impossible to think about anything else. Anxiety often works the same way. The harder we try not to feel anxious, the more our minds become preoccupied with anxiety. The harder we struggle to control it, the more control it often seems to gain over us. That struggle can look very different from one person to another. Mark keeps che

Sarah sat in her in the parking lot at Walmart. She looked toward the entrance, took a deep breath, and opened the door. Then the familiar thoughts appeared. “What if I have another panic attack?” “What if I can't get out?” “What if people notice?” She checked her pulse. She waited another minute. She could feel her heart begin to pound in her chest. Her breathing became shallow. Finally, she started the car and drove home. Almost immediately, she felt better. The tightness