Why Trying to Get Rid of Anxiety Isn't Working
Updated: Sep 5
Sarah sat in her in the parking lot at Walmart. She looked toward the entrance, took a deep breath, and opened the door. Then the familiar thoughts appeared.
“What if I have another panic attack?” “What if I can't get out?” “What if people notice?”
She checked her pulse. She waited another minute. She could feel her heart begin to pound in her chest. Her breathing became shallow. Finally, she started the car and drove home.
Almost immediately, she felt better. The tightness in her chest let up. Her breathing slowed.
By the time she pulled into her driveway, the anxiety had completely disappeared.
“I'm so glad I didn't go in,” she thought.
What Sarah didn't realize was that her brain had learned two powerful lessons: “Leaving made me feel better” and “Walmart is a dangerous place.”
Without meaning to, she had made it likely that the next trip to Walmart would feel even harder.
Maybe your anxiety story doesn’t happen outside a Walmart. Perhaps it happens before church, a doctor’s appointment, a difficult conversation, or a public speaking engagement. The specific circumstances may be different, but the general pattern is often very similar.
Most people who struggle with anxiety have one goal: Make it stop.
That seems perfectly reasonable. When your heart races, your thoughts spiral, your stomach knots up, or panic suddenly appears, of course you want those feelings to disappear as quickly as possible.
So, you do anything that might help. You avoid the situation. You ask someone for reassurance. You replay the conversation in your mind, Google your symptoms, distract yourself, pray harder, or tell yourself to calm down. All these things make sense. You want it to stop.
Sometimes these strategies work…for a little while. But then the anxiety comes back. Sometimes it comes back even stronger. If that's been your experience, it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.
It means you've stumbled into something called the "Anxiety Paradox": The harder we try to get rid of anxiety, the more power it often gains over our lives.
That sounds backward. But once you understand why this happens, it can completely change the way you think about anxiety and the way you begin to cope with it.
Anxiety Is Not Your Enemy
Here is a different way to understand what is happening: Anxiety is not your enemy. It is your brain’s alarm system, much like the smoke detector in your home.
A smoke detector that never goes off isn't very helpful. A smoke detector that goes off every time you make toast isn't very helpful either. Many people who struggle with anxiety have alarm systems that have become overly sensitive. Their brains are working overtime to keep them safe. The problem isn't that the alarm exists. The problem is that it keeps going off when there’s no real danger present.
Anxiety is not your enemy. It’s an alarm system that has become too sensitive.
When the Solution Becomes the Problem
Once anxiety appears, most of us begin organizing our lives around not feeling anxious. We avoid. We postpone. We look for reassurance. We over-prepare. We mentally argue with our thoughts. We constantly monitor how we're feeling.
Those strategies usually bring relief. And relief feels great. In fact, your brain loves relief. In fact, every time escaping anxiety makes you feel better, your brain files away an important lesson: “Escaping worked…Do that again.” Unfortunately, it also learns something else: “That situation really must have been dangerous.”
The result? The alarm becomes even more sensitive. The cycle grows stronger. Over time, the struggle with anxiety often becomes more limiting than the anxiety itself.
A Different Goal
Of course, most of us would prefer to feel less anxious. There is nothing wrong with that. But perhaps freedom can begin before anxiety disappears. What if the goal is not simply to feel less anxiety, but to give anxiety less control over how you live?
Imagine saying yes to an invitation even if you feel nervous. Having difficult conversations even if your stomach is tight. Going to church. Traveling. Applying for the job. Speaking up in a meeting. Trying something new. Not because anxiety has disappeared. But because it no longer gets the final vote.
That's a very different kind of freedom.
Hope Begins Here
The encouraging news is that your brain can learn new patterns. You don't have to spend the rest of your life trapped in the same cycle. As you learn to respond differently to anxiety, your brain gradually begins to recognize that you’re actually safe in many situations it once labeled dangerous.
Over time, anxiety loses much of its power, not because you forced it away, but because you stopped organizing your life around avoiding it.
That's where real freedom begins. Not in the absence of anxiety. But in living a life that is larger than anxiety. When anxiety is no longer driving your decisions, something amazing begins to happen. Your world starts getting bigger again.
Looking Ahead
In our next article, we'll explore the Anxiety Cycle, a simple framework that explains why our natural attempts to control anxiety often make it stronger and how a different response can begin breaking the cycle.
At Hope & Healing Therapy
At Hope & Healing Therapy, we want people to experience more than temporary relief from anxiety. We want to help them build lives that are no longer organized around fear. Using evidence-based counseling and thoughtful biblical wisdom for clients who desire it, we help people move toward what matters most, even when anxiety comes along for the ride.
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