The Pause Is Not an Off Switch...Anxiety Can Come Along For The Ride

Oct 6

4 min read

When anxiety shows up, our first instinct is often to make it stop.

How do I get away from this feeling? How can I calm down? What can I do to make this go away?

These questions are understandable. Anxiety can be uncomfortable, exhausting, and even frightening. But when our choices become organized around getting rid of anxiety, something subtle can happen: anxiety begins choosing the direction of our lives.

We avoid the conversation. We skip the gathering. We put off the opportunity. We withdraw from the people we love. We wait until we feel ready, which may or may not happen when we need it to.

And in the process, our lives can gradually become smaller.

The Pause Creates Space

This is where the pause becomes important though perhaps not for the reason we might expect.

A pause is not an off switch for anxiety or a guarantee that you'll suddenly feel calm and that the anxious thoughts will disappear.

Instead, the pause creates space between what anxiety is telling us and what we choose to do next.

In that space, we can notice what is happening without automatically following the anxious message. We can make room for the discomfort. We can remind ourselves that we don't have to solve everything right now. And then we can ask a different question: “Who do I want to be in this moment?”

That question shifts our attention from what we want to get away from to what we want to move toward.

Anxiety Asks, “How Can I Feel Safer?”

Anxiety tends to organize our attention around threat. When it shows up, our minds naturally ask, “What will help me feel safer right now?”

That question can pull us toward avoidance, control, or withdrawal. And those responses may provide temporary relief. But when we repeatedly escape anxiety, our brains can learn that anxiety really was something we needed to escape.

The cycle continues.

Values Offer A Different Direction

Instead of asking, “How do I get rid of this feeling?” we can ask, “What matters most to me here?”

Maybe the answer is connection. Courage. Patience. Compassion. Faithfulness. Honesty. Being a present parent. Loving your spouse well. Showing up for a friend. Taking a step toward something you've been avoiding.

Anxiety may still be present. But it doesn't have to choose your next step.

What Do You Want Your Life to Be About?

Values aren't goals that we check off a list. They are qualities that describe the kind of person we want to be and the direction we want our lives to take.

For example, if you value being a caring and present parent, there is no point at which you can say, “I've completed parenting.” Instead, that value gives you a direction for the choices you make today.

For Christians, this can also mean asking, “How can I love God and others well in this moment?”

You don't have to wait until you feel completely calm, confident, or ready to live according to those values.

You can take one small step while anxiety comes along.

The Pause Gives You a Choice

Imagine anxiety shows up before a difficult conversation. Your first impulse might be to avoid it.

The pause gives you another possibility.

What is my mind telling me? What matters most here? Who do I want to be in this moment?

Maybe you choose honesty. Maybe compassion. Maybe courage. Maybe you decide to take one small step toward connection rather than waiting until you feel completely comfortable.

The trigger may not change. Anxiety may not disappear.

What changes is your response, and, over time, the direction of your life.

This is what makes the pause so powerful. It isn't about controlling your internal experience. It is about creating enough space to choose what comes next.

Anxiety Can Come Along

Anxiety will probably return. When it does, that doesn't mean you've failed or that you've gone back to the beginning.

Progress isn't about getting rid of anxiety.

Progress is recognizing the cycle sooner and responding more intentionally.

Notice the anxiety.

Pause.

Make room for the experience.

Ask, “What matters most here?”

Then take one small step toward it.

You don't have to wait for anxiety to disappear before you begin living the life you want. Anxiety can come along but it doesn't have to choose the direction.

And perhaps that is the deeper freedom we're looking for: not a life where anxiety has disappeared, but a life where anxiety has less of us.

At Hope & Healing Therapy

At Hope & Healing Therapy, we help people understand the patterns that keep anxiety growing and practice new ways of responding. We offer evidence based counseling with thoughtful Christian integration for clients who desire it. Our goal is to help people move toward what matters most, even when anxiety comes along for the ride.